He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize