She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Randomize
