Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
