Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
