I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He shit in the fireplace
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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