my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize