Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
