I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
