When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize