Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
