I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
