You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
