I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
