I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
