I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
