I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
