Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
