I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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