i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
