mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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