Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I woke up under a house in Key West
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
