I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize