Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So vagazzling was a success
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
