She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think I won the penis lottery.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
