I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
