I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
