I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
