White coat. Heels.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
