It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
