I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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