your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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