her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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