It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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