she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
