maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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