i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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