First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My cat gives me a boner
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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