i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
