hotel room ftw
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
