Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
