Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
