but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
