It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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