Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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