so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
