We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
