Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize