a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
