I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
