At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize