Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
