I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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