with your own penis?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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