I can't watch pbs sober anymore
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
