Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
