shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
