I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
