i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
