i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
