Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
