I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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