Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
