i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
