I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize