started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
