this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
