he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
