sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
