Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
