i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
