cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
farters have to be the big spoon...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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